what i wouldnt give for an illudium pu36 explosive space modulator

cant sleep.

again.

its beginning to sink in. as the house becomes more and more empty. as memories are packed away. as the days grow short. this place is not our home. we dont live here anymore. we dont live anywhere really.

we have a place to go. in fact we have several. all lined up on google maps.

the ranch.

the lake.

the mountains.

the plex.

another lake.

the coast.

and we have a place to live when we run out of places to go. its nice. we are blessed to have it. and we have stuff to do.

teaching.

learning.

growing.

reaching.

but we are leaving. and thinking about living beneath empty skies and at the foot of metallic horizons leaves me cold like the chill that crept in with the rain this afternoon.

i will be back. ill hike the hills again. and soon. thats the plan. a cool october with the boys. but it will be different.

and while all this somersaults thru my head my heart hurts. it hurts more than ive let on. more than ive told anyone. more than ive allowed myself to realize.

ive taken this quietly when everything in me wanted to rage. ive restrained words and actions that should have been engaged. instead ive gathered it all in silence raging in secret. aching without solace. and i just want to huddle into a corner of the burdened sky and detonate something.

but wheres the kaboom?

there was supposed to be an earth shattering kaboom!

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~ by graceshaker on June 10, 2009.

3 Responses to “what i wouldnt give for an illudium pu36 explosive space modulator”

  1. I understand where your coming from….it is wierd to want to be in a place you are not wanted, and sad to let go of the things you feel God placed in your hands.

    I will continue to pray for you and your family as you move on to a new stage my brother!

  2. I can kinda relate dude. I’ve begun packing to leave. It’s depressing. Packing up all the memories and garbage. It’s the little things I’ve begun to cherish.

    I’m sorry you have to go through all of this due to some unfortunate events. But it’ll all workout. I’m here if you need me.

  3. “instead ive gathered it all in silence raging in secret. aching without solace. and i just want to huddle into a corner of the burdened sky and detonate something. but wheres the kaboom?”

    Love your thoughts here and I can relate, can I join you with your big Kaboom?

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